flirting with disaster

Yeah, I'm whining about flirting again. (see here) I had a near-sex dream last night. Its funny, I've never actually had a sex dream, but every now and again I'll have a sexual dream. I'm having trouble figuring out who it was, though. I recall a blonde BBW who was my roommate. I actually used to have a blonde mid-size BBW roommate, but I don't think its her. The dream girl was definetly larger and noticably not a psycho. Its tough to remember the details, as they are all fading back into nothing. I was getting a lot of REM sleep last night, though, as it was not the only dream I had some recollection of when I woke up. I do know it wasn't explicitly sexual, though, but more lightly flirtatious and involving limited clothing. I just remember it being nice. Not wild or anything. But nice. I had me wanting to be in a relationship again. I wasn't looking at it from the negative perspective, either. (i.e., why am not in a relationship) Just a simple little reminder of desire.

And so was my frame of mind while riding on the train (didn't hurt that it was sunny and was going to be beautiful this weekend, though it also didn't help that I've failed in my roommate search and need to find a second job) when I look up and see this cute girl I've been noticing. Ah, the flirting opportunity. And what do I do now that I'm in a good mood and not being all negative like I was with the Train station girl?


Yeah, I suck, I know. But, it didn't feel right. I mean, I've been checking this girl out for months now (most of which while I was seeing someone and not on the market). Admitedly, she may not have noticed me at any of these times, but still it would seem oddly timed. Something about it just feels a little creepy and I'm very hypersensitive about doing things that could be construed as even a little creepy. I'm especially on guard because I've found myself imagining what her job must be. She never looks like she's dressed for work, but she's always there on the same route at the same time in the morning. I figure she works with children. Its not like she's dressed like a slob, but the clothes look like they are intended for comfort. She needs to look nice enough for the kids, but still needs to be comfy. Which all feels like way too much thought for some random girl on the train.

But she is cute. If I were to imagine my physical ideal, she'd be close. I technically prefer pale-ish blondes, but have never done so in practice. Random Girl is all raven-haired and olive skinned, but its not like this was ever a deal breaker. I grew up in an Italian community so there is no aversion to appreciating a beautiful Italian SSBBW. Or maybe she's a Latina. Well, it was really an Italian/latino mixed community. But that's the closest she goes from my physical ideal. I'm debating expounding on my physical ideal, but it feels too creepy-ish right now, so I'll leave it at that. And in all the idle admiration, I've not gotten to the "She hates being fat, she'll hate you for thinking she's beautiful" thing, which is good. But still, I say nothing.

I think its the train. Its an awful place to try to flirt. I mean, if I get shot down, I'm still riding the same damn train everyday. It'd just be awkward. But where do people flirt? Honestly, I'm wondering. Does this work in these kinds of everyday situations or does flirting only take place in flirting-encouraged scenarios? Damn TV and commercials for creating an unreasonable expectation of flirtation.

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