blast from my past

I guess its "blast from the past" week for me. Had two quick encounters to people who used to be a major part of my life, which was weird. Saw my former roommate on Wednesday. I was in a car with my girlfriend and she pointed out a woman crossing an intersection ahead and said she thought it was my former roommate. I looked and thought it didn't look quite right. But the time we started moving again, though, I realized it was her. I was very glad I was in the car.

My roommate was a really rotten person in a lot of ways. She was a pathological liar and used her lies to really exploit people's emotions. She was also wildly irresponsible. I'm not sure she ever paid a bill while I lived with her. She also treated me like dirt. It boiled over in a big fight that was clearly not going anywhere so I just walked away from it. Man, did that get her. She yelled at my closed door for 30 minutes. The flipside, though, is that I really needed her. We moved in after I broke up with my ex-girlfriend and I really needed her help and support. For that, I do appreciate her, but all the same, I'd rather not have to deal with her ever again. I'm not going to waste time and effort hating her. I just want her behind me.

Speaking of my ex-girlfriend, I just saw her for the first time in about a year and a half. Just an odd running into each other thing while neither of us had the time to talk. Its not that I hate her, but I'm still very angry. I loved her and I left our relationship feeling very betrayed, very hurt, and very changed. I was honest with her, and she took advantage of my honest in order to lie to me for two years about something very important to me. It made me feel so worthless, like a loser. I eventually got sick of feeling like that and I knew I had to get out. But, It has made me less trusting and less open and I hate that. I'm afraid now, and I hate it. But I don't hate her. You just have to let that go. I'm hurt, but its not worth it. I just want to get away from those feelings and get back to where I once belonged.

Oh, well.