#thingsfatpeoplearetold: The first 24 hours

The #thingsfatpeoplearetold hash tag is still tearing it up over at Twitter with over 1,400 tweets and retweets as of this writing. I'm so grateful for the courage its taken so many people to share what are often very raw experiences with entitled fat stigmatization. To be clear, some of this can be trigging given how brutally honest the experiences are, but I want to share some of the Tweets here. I can't stress enough that these are just some of what people are sharing. Follow #thingsfatpeoplearetold to know you really aren't alone or to learn what fat people are really experiencing.

@mymilkspilt: Your body sends a bad message to your children. #thingsfatpeoplearetold @red3blog
Apr 9, 2011 10:20 PM GMT

@TheRotund: @mymilkspilt Your chronic illness would disappear if you lost weight. #thingsfatpeoplearetold
Apr 9, 2011 10:31 PM GMT

@MargitteLeah: "no one will ever love you." actual #thingsfatpeoplearetold
Apr 9, 2011 10:34 PM GMT

@BookMD: Fat people are stupid. If they were smart, they wouldn't be fat. #thingsfatpeoplearetold
Apr 9, 2011 11:58 PM GMT

@Fatheffalump: Telling anyone that it's ok to be fat makes you personally responsible for their death #thingsfatpeoplearetold
Apr 10, 2011 12:45 AM GMT

@elizabethgallo: You have such a pretty face... #thingsfatpeoplearetold
Apr 10, 2011 12:56 AM GMT

(Brian: This may seem like a cliché, but it came up repeatedly. Fat people really do hear this. A lot.)

@_FatWaitress_: They probably didn't give you a promotion because you might not fast enough to do the job. #thingsfatpeoplearetold
Apr 10, 2011 01:06 AM GMT

@katejames: "You're not fat!" (Meaning: I know & like you, you're not like those *other* lazy smelly greedy fat people.) #thingsfatpeoplearetold
Apr 10, 2011 01:16 AM GMT

@Living400lbs: But have you really, really TRIED to lose weight? #thingsfatpeoplearetold
Apr 10, 2011 02:22 AM GMT

@sweetnfat: Would you even feel my touch through all your fat? #thingsfatpeoplearetold
Apr 10, 2011 02:30 AM GMT

@princessnowhere: "You should try going on The Pill [to lose weight]" Seriously. I wish I was kidding. #thingsfatpeoplearetold
Apr 10, 2011 02:31 AM GMT

@AmadiTalks: In hospital for serious illness: "You should get weight loss surgery, so long as you're here." #thingsfatpeoplearetold
Apr 10, 2011 02:34 AM GMT

@etamny: We can't show you on TV because that would be endorsing the fact that you exist. #thingsfatpeoplearetold
Apr 10, 2011 02:36 AM GMT

@AmadiTalks: From the window of a passing car: Mooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! #thingsfatpeoplearetold
Apr 10, 2011 02:40 AM GMT

(Brian: Another one that was repeated many times was slurs yelled from passing cars.)

@meag26: From my doc, when I explain how healthy my lifestyle is: "well obviously you're doing SOMETHING wrong." #thingsfatpeoplearetold
Apr 10, 2011 02:52 AM GMT

@liveonce_juicy: Unrelenting stomach pain and constant puking? Take two diets and call me when you aren't fat anymore. #thingsfatpeoplearetold
Apr 10, 2011 02:56 AM GMT

@kiddotrue: "He didn't get you candy for Valentine's Day, did he? You don't need it." #thingsfatpeoplearetold
Apr 10, 2011 03:05 AM GMT · via Twitter for Android · Reply · View Tweet

@AmadiTalks: Asked for sugar for coffee in a restaurant, got artificial sweetener instead. "Here, you need to use this." #thingsfatpeoplearetold
Apr 10, 2011 03:07 AM GMT

@kiddotrue: "you should lose weight and get a boyfriend." #thingsfatpeoplearetold (when they're 12 and at their first gyno visit. in the stirrups.)
Apr 10, 2011 03:09 AM GMT

@MargitteLeah: "I won't treat you until you've lost 50 lbs." #thingsfatpeoplearetold by medical professionals
Apr 10, 2011 03:10 AM GMT

@_FatWaitress_: Are you sure you didn't just imagine them checking you out? #thingsfatpeoplearetold
Apr 10, 2011 03:27 AM GMT

@AmadiTalks: In the back of an ambulance, by a police officer: "Who would rape you?" #thingsfatpeoplearetold
Apr 10, 2011 03:28 AM GMT

@MamaBrownBear: "how did you get pregnant? You are too fat to get knocked up" #thingsfatpeoplearetold
Apr 10, 2011 03:45 AM GMT

@fatlazyceliac: Oh, it's so great you're allergic to gluten - not eating it is supposed to help you lose weight! #thingsfatpeoplearetold
Apr 10, 2011 03:50 AM GMT

@Fatheffalump: "Go away, lose weight, find a boyfriend and come back to me when you want babies." (a Dr to me, aged 19 & in pain) #thingsfatpeoplearetold
Apr 10, 2011 04:07 AM GMT

@ginamariewade: #thingsfatpeoplearetold - You're too fat to have a baby, and if I'd had anything to do about it, you wouldn't be having this one. from my MD
Apr 10, 2011 04:11 AM GMT

@mskozlowski: We don't carry bras for PEOPLE LIKE YOU. #thingsfatpeoplearetold #Victoria'sSecretemployeesaidthistome
Apr 10, 2011 04:12 AM GMT

@ginamariewade: #thingsfatpeoplearetold If you don't lose weight, your child will never love you. (also from my MD)
Apr 10, 2011 04:15 AM GMT

@redheadedgirl: Why would anyone want to fuck you? #thingsfatpeoplearetold
Apr 10, 2011 04:18 AM GMT

@ginamariewade: #thingsfatpeoplearetold If I looked like you I'd kill myself.
Apr 10, 2011 04:19 AM GMT

@girlndocs: We know your kidneys are failing and you may die but you can't get on the transplant list until you lose weight. #thingsfatpeoplearetold
Apr 10, 2011 04:19 AM GMT

@etamny: We'll sell you clothes, but we can't have you in our stores. #thingsfatpeoplearetold [Hi, Old Navy! Hi, J. Jill!]
Apr 10, 2011 04:23 AM GMT

@Quiara: Your blood pressure and blood sugar are fine, but if you don't lose weight you'll be diabetic & hypertensive soon. #thingsfatpeoplearetold
Apr 10, 2011 04:24 AM GMT

@TheRotund: You're a symbol of America's overconsumption and the evils of capitalism. #thingsfatpeoplearetold
Apr 10, 2011 04:27 AM GMT

@ravengeary: How do you, you know, have sex? #ThingsFatPeopleAreTold
Apr 10, 2011 04:29 AM GMT

@fatandtheivy: You're diseased #thingsfatpeoplearetold
Apr 10, 2011 04:33 AM GMT

@mskozlowski: Your boyfriend must be really into your mind (not your body). #thingsfatpeoplearetold
Apr 10, 2011 04:34 AM GMT

@sarahnbay: Did you not realize they're called "skinny" jeans? #thingsfatpeoplearetold
Apr 10, 2011 04:37 AM GMT

@AmadiTalks: At an mentorship program for at-risk girls: "You aren't a good fit, our girls need positive role models." #thingsfatpeoplearetold
Apr 10, 2011 04:47 AM GMT

@hungrylikewolf: You obviously can't be telling the truth about what you eat. #ThingsFatPeopleAreTold
Apr 10, 2011 04:49 AM GMT

@MuseofIre: Sure it has dangerous side effects, but it's better than being fat. #thingsfatpeoplearetold
Apr 10, 2011 05:06 AM GMT

@Dresswhore: Yes it could help w/your period but I can't in good conscience put you on the pill b/c you might gain weight. #thingsfatpeoplearetold
Apr 10, 2011 05:18 AM GMT

@shonias: At least the terrible illness you've just had has made you lose weight. #thingsfatpeoplearetold
Apr 10, 2011 05:21 AM GMT

@red3blog: "Take this fat out while we are in here" -Surgeon during a C-Section #thingsfatpeoplearetold
Apr 10, 2011 06:22 AM GMT

@hungrylikewolf: Come on, why don't you want to go shopping with me? You can always check out the accessories. #thingsfatpeoplearetold
Apr 10, 2011 07:30 AM GMT

@Xhollzy: "I'm not going to show you the room, I need the people I rent to to be healthy."- with one look at me #thingsfatpeoplearetold
Apr 10, 2011 08:50 AM GMT

@annacaronz: If you were thin you wouldn't need to be gay any more #thingsfatpeoplearetold
Apr 10, 2011 09:06 AM GMT

@JonelB: You would stop getting bullied if you just lost weight. #thingsfatpeoplearetold
Apr 10, 2011 09:21 AM GMT

@Beezelbubbles: Don't you just hate what you see when you look in the mirror? #thingsfatpeoplearetold #mymomsgreatesthits #yesreally
Apr 10, 2011 09:41 AM GMT

@Beezelbubbles: You twisted your ankle playing tennis? You should really lose some weight and exercise more. #thingsfatpeoplearetold #butiwasexercising
Apr 10, 2011 09:50 AM GMT

@WeightlessOne: If you don't lose weight you'll be dead before you're 30. #thingsfatpeoplearetold (told to a 16 yr old me by a new doc-I'm 38 now)
Apr 10, 2011 01:27 PM GMT

@FatVeganCommie: Yes, you are perfectly heathy. Have you considered bariatric surgery?" #thingsfatpeoplearetold
Apr 10, 2011 02:24 PM GMT

@AbigailNussey: You really need a kidney transplant/knee replacement/other surgery. But you can't get it until you lose 60 lbs. #thingsfatpeoplearetold
Apr 10, 2011 03:10 PM GMT

@thepiouswench: I don't think we carry your size. (Sales associate, before I've specified what I'm looking for or given my size). #thingsfatpeoplearetold
Apr 10, 2011 03:44 PM GMT

@Lyrical_Huldra: "I don't know why you bother. You're so fat you look awful no matter what you wear." #thingsfatpeoplearetold #bymymother
Apr 10, 2011 03:51 PM GMT

@RaisingBoychick: "You're too fat to deliver vaginally." #thingsfatpeoplearetold
Apr 10, 2011 05:29 PM GMT · via Twitter for iPhone · Reply · View Tweet

@AmadiTalks: "You're too wide/heavy for our equipment so you can't get this important medical procedure." #thingsfatpeoplearetold
Apr 10, 2011 05:48 PM GMT

@zaftigvegan: "There's no point in doing any physio on your knees if you're not willing to lose weight." #thingsfatpeoplearetold
Apr 10, 2011 05:48 PM GMT

@zaftigvegan: "That can't be right." #thingsfatpeoplearetold (a nurse checking my blood pressure [normal] for the third time)
Apr 10, 2011 05:50 PM GMT

@cinnamaldehyde: #thingsfatpeoplearetold if you'd just lose a little weight, your disabilities would go away.
Apr 10, 2011 05:51 PM GMT

@zaftigvegan: "If you were *really* comfortable in your body, the ignorant things people say about fat wouldn't bother you." #thingsfatpeoplearetold
Apr 10, 2011 05:57 PM GMT

@zaftigvegan: "You *can't* be fat, healthy and happy. You're in denial. You're putting other fat ppl at risk by promoting HAES." #thingsfatpeoplearetold
Apr 10, 2011 06:01 PM GMT

@notinseason: All fat patients will lie about their diet and exercise. #thingsfatpeoplearetold #thingsivelearnedinmedschool
Apr 10, 2011 06:01 PM GMT

@FatVeganCommie: We can't date, but we can secretly have sex. #thingsfatpeoplearetold
Apr 10, 2011 06:09 PM GMT

@red3blog: We will only learn how to perform anesthesia on you for weight loss surgery. #thingsfatpeoplearetold
Apr 10, 2011 06:35 PM GMT

@HiddenTohru: "I imagined that weight as someone who can't even get out of bed." #thingsfatpeoplearetold (by a coworker when I told her I was 380 lbs)
Apr 10, 2011 07:45 PM GMT

@mymilkspilt: You're so selfish. You're going to die and leave your kid without a mother. #thingsfatpeoplearetold
Apr 10, 2011 07:48 PM GMT

@no_oneimportant: You must have a really hard time having sex with your belly getting in the way. #thingsfatpeoplearetold also #liespeopletell
Apr 10, 2011 08:08 PM GMT

@MissSuperfluous: #thingsfatpeoplearetold You're not quite this store's demographic.
Apr 10, 2011 10:11 PM GMT

@kawaiimarti: You don't have to pretend to be happy with yourself to me. I know it can't be true. #thingsfatpeoplearetold
Apr 10, 2011 10:17 PM GMT


Brian said...

My extreme thanks to everyone quoted for sharing their experience and perspective as well as to everyone else. I know this is a long list, but I had such a hard time cutting comments out because they were all so raw and emotional and real. Even this long list is 5% of the total number of tweets in the first day.

Sleepydumpling said...

Thank you for compiling these Brian. I'm going to do a bit of a post myself tonight on the topic.

O.C. said...

Brian, you started something important here. Thank you.

Anonymous said...

these are horrifying but, unfortunately, familiar. :/.

arcane_scholar said...

I added this to Catherine Deveny's wiki page. I want to try to start holding people accountable long-term. I linked to your blog as well, please let me know if you'd rather not be and I'll remove it.

Tiferet said...

Wow, the artificial sweetener thing...I was once brought Diet Coke when I hadn't ordered it.

Tiferet said...

@Arcane Scholar, your edits were reverted not five minutes after they were made. Don't know if you want to get into an editing war or not :(

Tiferet said...

I didn't tweet this yesterday because I didn't want anyone on my feed to get triggered (I was part of #mooreandme and a friend of mine complained that her twitter feed had been triggering her badly), and I also didn't want my friends to think this had happened to ME and get upset on my behalf on top of the general outrage, due to the "a friend" construction.

[Trigger Warning - rape]

When I was in my 30s a friend of mine in her 20s told me that she had been raped in high school by a guy who was trying to win a bet that he could have sex with her. The prize, a pack of cigarettes.

His reason for picking her? Because no one, he said, would ever believe that HE had raped someone like HER. :(

Shade said...

I contributed the bully comment--this game from a male who assumed that if I just changed my entire appearance to please the bully that it would stop--and that was a fair thing to expect from me.
He was boggled when I suggested that maybe, instead, the bully learns to grow beyond their shallow view of the world as bending to their whims, grows the fuck up, or is punished properly whenever they feel the need to destroy the self-esteem of young people.
Bullying hurts everyone and I highly doubt that starving myself for approval of the trolls is a wise usage of my life.
I'm surprised as well, I haven't seen any trolls, and I've felt oddly in comradery with my fellows the past day.

Anonymous said...

When people say things like this, it makes me wonder what is no longer considered "fat". I have a belly and sporty legs "years of exercise" that many have said would kill for "legs like this" yet I can't help but feel so big when I can't fit in pants or boots that is considered the average size.

Nia said...

Something I can't say on Twitter without being harassed for being a Christian: I've been told that I'm fat because I fast. I do a controlled fast, 6 weeks a year. And someone told me recently that I'm fat because I must be eating extra to compensate, and that I absolutely had to eat five meals a day. And the strangest thing is that I was told so in a very religious community.

Anonymous said...

I've suffered this kind of crap from my mom all of my life, and I'm not actually fat. At one point I weighed 110 and my mother still thought I was "heavy". She thinks no one will love me if I'm fat. Even though I'm (happily) married now she warns me that he'll leave me if I "keep letting myself go." Even if I'm losing weight in general she'll tell me I have a "fat face" or "still have a belly" and I'm being lazy.

Anonymous said...

When I was in my 20s and weighed about 115 pounds, my then husband said I was fat. A few years later when I weighed about 150, my sister asked me in all seriousness how I could stand to live in my body. These days I'd love to be that size again, but I'm "old" and therefore invisible now, so nobody bothers to criticize any more!

Anonymous said...

Sadly, all too many of these sound familiar. Bullied at school, bullied at home, my first kiss was a "dare" at my school leaving prom because they bet no-one would kiss the fat girl... guys willing to sleep with me but not seen out in public with me, forced to wear what I can find, rather than what I want and being told in one shop "we stock clothes for larger busted women, not large women" (like we can't be both?) and my eating habits continually criticised by my Mother *who is the same size as me*

Is it any wonder, then, that I've given in to it all and am scheduled for bariatric surgery later this year?

Kirsten said...

When I was pregnant I had to see many different doctors at my clinic. I had a difficult pregnancy and LOST 17lbs in my first trimester. I ended up on anti-nausea medication used for chemo patients, and it DIDN'T WORK. I couldn't keep anything down other than potatoes (sometimes) Dr. Pepper (sometimes) and broccoli rabe (sometimes). It was awful. One day I saw a youngish doctor who had a stereotypical "runner's physic" who glanced at me and my chart and started lecturing me about my diet. I explained my intense nausea that was seriously worrying everyone else involved my pregnancy support (husband/parents/other docs/nurses...) and that I am a lacto-ovum vegetarian who used to bike five times a week before severe vertigo (for 11 months) kept from doing anything that required balance. Now I'm pregnant, and sick.

Doctor "You have to watch what you eat."
Me "I can't eat. I can't stop vomiting. I'm having trouble staying hydrated."
Doctor "Well when you can eat, make sure it's 'good food.'"
Me "But...I'm an organic lacto-ovum vegetarian when I can eat. I like vegetables and lean proteins and salad. But I can't keep anything down."
Doctor "Well, when you can eat, make sure you make the right food choices because you really can't afford to gain much weight with your pregnancy."
Me "But I can't eat anything!"

Anonymous said...

I am 68 years old and I see that some mentalities never change. We can walk on the moon, live in space, visit planets out of human sight, and instantly communicate with everyone alive...and yet, when introduced to someone else, rather than a customary greeting get, "Well, you ARE a big girl, aren't you?" Sometimes I fear for my fellow humans who have such shallow brains.

Thank you for sharing this...it makes me feel better that I am not alone...

Brian said...

Thank you for all of the comments!

While it can be discouraging to see the same hate persist for years and decades, people can change. I'm only 32 but attitudes about gays and lesbians have changed radically in my lifetime. Change can happen and sharing our stories is one of the ways we can start down that path. Thank you again to everyone.

Anonymous said...

This is excruciating to read. I'm 315 lbs today and a size 22/24 US women's and I've been fat since I was a kid. I realize by reading this how damn lucky I have been to have had mainly supportive parents, understanding lovers and partners, and a GREAT general practitioner who would never, ever say anything akin to what some folks on this list have been told. She's a miracle and I've followed her to two new practices - I won't leave her until I leave this state (if I ever do). Some of these I've had hurled at me but the overwhelming majority I have not - and I'm not just "chunky" - I'm FAT. Thank you so much for sharing such naked, brutally honest words with us. Solidarity is amazingly comforting.

Unknown said...

Brian, thank you for this and for your wonderful blog.
Thank you.

Brian said...

To state the obvious, this is not a forum for people to ACTUALLY say the things we're complaining about people saying. Any "Yeah, but fat is bad" posts will be removed.

Anonymous said...

I can relate to many of these. :(

When people think I am looking particularly good, say if I have a new dress or a hair style... they ask, "Have you lost weight?"


Bubbles said...

I don't know if I'm happy or sad to see a couple of mine on here. I'm sad that not only have we all had these things said to us, but that so many other people can relate. I'd almost be happier if someone told me "huh, never heard that before." At least then I could pretend that most people do not suck and are not jerks. (Though the one from my mom was sort of complicated. She's always been big, and so has her own issues. I think she wanted to hear that I still had the same esteem issues that she has. So she's not exactly a jerk, just a sad case.)

Anonymous said...

I'm absolutely horrified by all the unspeakable things here that fat people are told by their medical professionals. I'm a medical student, and yesterday I was told by a classmate that MORE fat shaming is needed, especially in primary care, because "then they'll actually get of their fat asses and want to lose the weight". I was also told that medical students/doctors who are fat have no business practicing real medicine and should consign themselves to a career in pathology where "no one will have to look at them because they're horrible role models". It boggles my mind that medical professionals would be a) so heartlessly cruel and b) so ignorant about the psychological damage they're doing.

krisalyx said...

sigh i've had many of these hit into my face for so long i started to beleive it up untill back in '09 when i STOPED beaving it and i'm a much better person for it

Shieldmaiden96 said...

My new favorite thing to say when people ask me if I've lost weight (I'm in the 340# range) I look at them horrified and say, 'Jesus, I hope not!!'
Hee hee. They never know what to say.

Anonymous said...

People are afraid of their own fat (speaking of the really thin ones here). I'm on the lower end of the fat spectrum and an avid gym user so people who know me can't make comments about me being fat and lazy (even though my belly still scares them). Just the other day I heard the most pathetic thing from my bulimic sister about the leader of the green party in Canada. "Nobody should vote for her because she is crazy! I mean, how can you even call yourself green when you are fat!" Like the two had anything to do with each other. (Also, she is skinny yet an incredibly wasteful person)

Anonymous said...

I was told "You dont look good in what you are wearing." Numerous times, by my ex partner.

Tracy said...

Oh lord, so much familiarity. Funny that i used to get hollered at by passing cars when I weighed 130 in my teens and now I'm 100 pounds heavier and over 50 and I still keep thinking that'll happen. The most painful memory isn't what somebody said so much as what somebody did ... my mother continuously forcing me to "diet" when I was barely 10 years old ... Metrecal cookies, Metrecal liquid ... even though she in turn had gone through so much in her childhood/teens regarding weight and being forced to diet. I didn't stop gaining weight till I got off the yo-yo circuit (lose 10, gain 20, lose 10, gain 20, repeat).

Kat said...

All of this, every last bit, is everything I can relate to. I've gotten the "don't get fat", "no one will love you if you're fat" since I was a kid. My thyroid failed in late teens and I put on a hundred pounds, was a size 22 and growing, and instead of anyone figuring out why I had no appetite and kept rapidly gaining weight, all I ever heard - from medical professionals, from my ex-husband, from my blood family - is that I need to not eat.

I was SICK. Still am. As luck has it, my condition is autoimmune. I may've lost the weight, but I don't lose memories so easily.

And, even if I weigh less now, I still get comments because I'm not thin enough (also by blood family, medical professionals, clothing stores) if I still have "something extra."

Even if I'm happy now, with the something extra, it's of no relevance, because I'm not "thin enough."

I'm sick of how difficult it is to be happy in my own skin.

Anonymous said...

Something I would never post on Twitter, because my parents would see it, and we still haven't talked about my weight as a child even though it's 15 years later...

"We'll pay you $5 for every pound you lose, if that's what it takes to get you motivated." -my father, to me. I was 14.

Anonymous said...

About getting your blood pressure checked, it really irks me when the doctor doesn't have a plus size blood pressure cuff. Or worse they try taking your blood pressure with the normal cuff which hurts. I end up feeling paranoid, like someone's conspiring to prove I have high blood pressure and indeed an unhealthy fatty fat fat person. If your a doctor, shouldn't you want to get a proper blood pressure reading?

This reminds me of the time I was supposed to go under anesthesia for I think a dental procedure, and I was like "You need to use a plus size blood pressure cuff!" No way was my procedure going to be put off, because my blood pressure was read incorrectly.

You know how they have White Coat Syndrome as a term for when people's blood pressure is higher in the doctor's office due to anxiety. We should come up with something like that. Like The BP Cuff Was Too Damn Small Syndrome.

Anonymous said...

I got Bingo... ;) Thanks for putting this together - it's always at least comforting for me to see that the personal is political. I can especially relate to proposterous experiences at the doctor, e.g. when having to seek treatment for depression, where i was met with the advise to have a lap-band surgery (you know, that will fix everything)... it took me quite a while to understand that doctors didn't treat me an individual with concrete health risks, but as a fat (OMG!!1!) person.

Anonymous said...

My worst memories were of being removed from Dance school age 7 - my family said I was "heavy-footed" and called me "the Graceful Elephant." I loved ballet and begged to go back to dance school, only to be pulled out of lessons again a few months later: my dance teacher deliberately tried to sabotage my progress, and my mother looked me in the eye and called me a fat clumsy embarrassment. All other exercise was discouraged too: at one point my mother even pretended I had rheumatism and had to "rest." I was never allowed to be a bridesmaid at family weddings. My father took boxfulls of photographs of my cousins but never any of me.

When I started being bullied at school, my parents simply pretended it wasn't happening: THEY couldn't cope with me being unpopular!

To this day they try to convince me that I imagined it all, and that the other children loved me and were envious of my great beauty and intelligence... (These kids were threatening to cut my face up and telling me to kill myself).

I am still often told that I should "just accept who I am" instead of trying to wear young clothes, dye my hair, eat healthily or exercise. It's as if I deserve to be shut away indoors instead of being allowed a normal life.

Anonymous said...

"At an mentorship program for at-risk girls: "You aren't a good fit, our girls need positive role models." #thingsfatpeoplearetold"

I'm angry now, I needed counselling and mentoring from the age of 13, and all I ever wanted was someone who wasn't going to judge me for being fatter than them.

I fortunately, ended up with ONE good counsellor who didn't, but several before that were like "Well if they make fun of you for being fat, maybe you should just stop being fat" (I was already Self-Harming, and they though THIS was helping me, shaming me into thinking I deserved it instead of making me feel comfortable with myself!)

Anonymous said...

Also "If you're being made of for being fat, just STOP being fat, and it'll all disappear!" was ridiculous, because I would still have been made fun of for being strange!

Anonymous said...

I just came across this list accidentally and I find it quite shocking. I could imagine that fat people experience discrimination in their everyday lives, but not such a degree of nastyness.
However, I was wondering what to do in a situation that occurs quite often to me: Overweight friends of mine complain about their weight and their physical appearance themselves. What should I answer then?

Anonymous said...

The one that disgusts me the most is the rape comment from the cop.

Andrea L. Cole said...

@Anonymous - If they're just having an "Ugh, I feel gross" day, just reassure them. Don't suggest dieting or weight loss plans or assume that they are unhappy with their appearance because of their weight. (ie "I look terrible." "Well, I know a great diet.." "Awesome, but my hair looks like hell. And NOW I feet fat, thanks."

If they are complaining that they want to lose weight, it's helpful to acknowledge that losing weight is not easy (it's not), emphasize that their health is the important thing, and let them know you are there to support them in their efforts to adopt healthier eating habits. And don't suggest fad diets, or police them.

the .02 of someone who has been through the struggle of trying to lose weight, and still struggles.

Anonymous said...

I'm a NZ size 14 and my mother a size 18 - my father constantly tries to tell us how unattractive we are because he thinks that we're too fat.
The ironic thing is that men still notice me and my size doesn't appear to be an issue.
Unfortunately what my father does is make my mother feel bad about herself, instead of supporting her. He never misses an opportunity to tell us if he saw a woman street that he considered to be attractive, placing the emphasis on how slim she was.

A good friend of mine was told that she wouldn't be considered for a new-graduate programme for RN's because she is overweight. Yet the duty manager and all the residents where she works absolutely love her and value her experience and kindness.

Anonymous said...

My first boyfriend after the first time we had sex told me 'you know you can lose weight if you REALLY want to. you eat to live, not live to eat'. im only now realising he was in the wrong, not me.

Anonymous said...

when I was in elementary school my Grandma would call me and tell me to watch some show, when I turned it on it was a show about 300lb 6 year olds or 700lb peolpe that kind of stuff.
She would do this all the time! When my parents would visit he she'd send them back with newspaper clippings about losing weight for me.
I love my grandma but at age 21 its still hard for me to talk to her.

Arachmena said...

My dad told me that I needed to work hard for love cause I am fat, my mom keeps telling me how skinny she is and stares at me with pity.

Anonymous said...

a lot of these arent discrimination, a lot of these are health risks..."We know your kidneys are failing and you may die but you can't get on the transplant list until you lose weight." yes this is sad but if you have shown that you are going to put extra pressure on your kidney, then why do you deserve it over someone who wont? for example, alcoholics have to stop drinking before they get a liver transplant....

Anonymous said...

Excuse me? What's to say a thin person won't put extra pressure on their kidney? Are you seriously trying to say that thin people don't do things unhealthy that put pressure on their kidneys? I think we should add your comment to #thingsfatpeoplearetold ... thin people deserve a kidney more than fat people do.

Anonymous said...

I was told to stop being fat if I didn't want to be made fun of too.

Sad thing is I actually bought into it. I lost weight and I can testify to the fact that it didn't change a thing. It seemed that their thoughts were along the lines of, "How dare the strange fat girl get thin! Now we must truly destroy her!!!"

Anonymous said...

I've gotten the "You'll never get a boyfriend/get married/have kids." speech from my mother. Truth is, in the past 20 years I've been alive I've had more romantic relationships than she has. I've also gotten the "I'm concerned for your health" speech too. I'm physically in good health except for one illness that has absolutely nothing to do with my weight. It's also annoying because I am skinnier than my mother.

However, I cannot fully blame my mother for the nature of her comments. Her mother was more cruel. When she was trying on her wedding dresses her mother would comment how she'd need to lose 25 pounds to look decent in the dress. And when my mother did not want to attend a party (because of a legitimate illness) her mother asked "Why? Is it because they'll think you're fat?" My mother answered, "No." Then her mother replied with "Well it's true, isn't it?"

Fuck fat hatred. Seriously.

Anonymous said...

I find the most bizarre form of this in comments made about other people in my presence. I have been on the receiving end of a fair share of these kind of comments. Thing is, I find it deeply disturbing the kinds of things my friends end up saying around me. Friends who don't think of me as fat, despite my actual weight (200lb, I think? I am used to kg, which would be 110). It's very unsettling to be walking around with a friend and suddenly have them comment that "Yeah, a girl like her shouldn't be eating mcdonalds..." or "Check out the size of those women, lol". I really don't understand this kind of shit, at all. It makes me think that maybe they say it behind my back. But when approached, they seem confused, and admit that they don't actually think of me that way.

Anonymous said...

Sadly, this is all true. And, what's more, I buy into it. I absolutely believe that I do not deserve love or relationships because of my weight and it's because of comments like these. I was walking home one night and I had just gotten off work. Mind you, I work on my campus and so I go straight from class to work--9:30am-10:00pm. Nonstop kind of day. Well, I had stopped at CVS to grab a water and a small snack on my way home. I was eating the snack on the way to the train station when this guy comments, "Did you fast all day?" [As if saying that I had probably eaten every second of the day]...I had work and school, asshat. Now I don't eat in public. These are the truths we live day in and day out.

ido said...

I've heard variations of most of these. In both English and Japanese. I fucking hate myself.

Anonymous said...

I was told recently that nobody will take me seriously and that I can't be any good as a therapist, because "you've obviously got serious emotional problems you're medicating through your compulsive overeating. Good therapists aren't fat, it's unprofessional. A symptom of mental disorder like that shouldn't be allowed." Who told me this? Someone who is a major "name" in the counseling world, who has written two books about how important compassion and empathy are in our profession. I guess the "unless you're fat" is in the end notes.

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